#016: How do we give ourselves rest?

Tips on how to set boundaries, stationery and stickers, a quick survey, and more tiny yet precious life moments

Hey, there! Thank you for being here. This is a Sunday newsletter! It may be or may not be every Sunday, but this OK to BE email will arrive in your inbox anytime on a Sunday. At the moment, you will read about my adventures in reading, storytelling, making art, building creative communities, and being human. If anything here resonates, I encourage you to write back or leave a comment—and I shall reply! Also, this is a public dispatch, so feel free to share with friends, especially those looking for a reader, writer, or editor to work with. Enjoy! :)

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Now that it’s the last month of 2021, the internet will abound with year-end essays and posts. I love reading them and cheering for other people’s achievements and lessons learned, but it’s also not something I prioritize to do. My review or reflection happens every new year instead, before I write my goals or wants, and they’re simple bulleted lists with under 10 items that are a mix of specific wishes and mellow desires. I don’t often discuss my goals or achievements publicly (except with my patrons, and my A Club and AZ Crew) but for the sake of ~fun visual aid, here’s an example all the way from 2013 and 2014:

L-R: My 2013 goals, my 2013 goals reviewed just before I wrote my 2014 list (last photo). I finished grad school, and walked at my graduation in summer 2014~

Of course we can make goals anytime; to-do lists are my daily savior. But today and for the rest of the month, the goal I want to set is rest. We know just how underrated rest is, and there are many moments still that a perpetually bustling life is glorified even to this day. And I do remember having felt the same because not a long time ago, a hectic schedule or life meant productivity and success. Think of it like this: If you weren’t complaining about how busy you were, you weren’t living. Extreme, huh? It almost meant like our worth as a person was measured by how booked our schedule was, how little sleep we got, how frantic we were on an everyday basis. And that’s why I try not to declare or complain about how my day is so full, so as to give myself and whoever is listening or looking some courtesy and kindness.

So anyway, rest. There are many kinds and levels of rest, and defining what works for me still depends on the available circumstances. But often, what I need the most is rest from the online world. I do love the internet, especially the good things about it (plus, it’s where most of my work is based), but a few years ago, I noticed I was starting to develop FOMO whenever I wasn’t online, and was spending a LOT of my time scrolling and dealing with endless notifs when I was online. Those weren’t things I envisioned as healthy or restful habits, so in 2019, I began ‘training’ myself to set boundaries and get more rest. And that training has come in handy now that the pandemic has made a lot of us WiFi-powered, be that with work, our social activities, and others.

• I log off from the world earlier than most people and try not to scroll or engage with anybody past a certain time, unless urgent or special.

• I curate my apps and turn off my notifs. If your phone has the option for phone usage management, that’s one way to get this habit started. In my case, I set a window time, and once it’s past that, my apps shut down. That’s adjustable for sure, so when all else fails, I switch off my phone or the WiFi router itself.

• I make it a goal to be in bed by 9:00 p.m. even if I’m not yet sleepy, with urgent and special matters as exceptions. I do tell people ‘8:00 p.m.’ (haha, hi friends!) because again, boundaries. I know some people function better at night—and if you can believe it, I get that because I used to be a night owl myself, but it really does take a lot of will, discipline, and acclimatization to make the adjustment.

• I go offline during weekends, except for scheduled events and special and urgent matters.

• I use the Schedule option for online posts, emails, and this newsletter quite well.

Now my habits are not impeccable and I also recognize my privilege in being able to hone them, but these simple to-dos have certainly helped me with not just rest, but also with my mindset about belonging, productivity, success, and more. By doing these things, I’ve learned about myself in terms of how far my limit can go, how patient I can be, and how I view what is necessary in my life.

Rest isn’t only productive; rest is also growth. Rest is prioritizing, and rest is also not wanting to prioritize. Rest is doing as little as possible; rest is doing nothing at all. Like our homescreens, rest is customizable. But I will say that for every rest, the result must always be beneficial.

How do you rest, and how do you plan to do so this coming holiday season?

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Food

We haven’t had this section in a while! Please don’t blame me for your craving… or maybe, yes. Blame me!

Pancit palabok

Carioca/bitso-bitso

Revel bar from Lachi’s

Hainanese chicken (rice not pictured, haha)

Feelings

I went to the airport for the first time since November 2019 because I needed to drop someone off, and I was surprised by how it pinched my heart. It wasn’t just about travelling per se, but travelling to see people I haven’t been with since the pandemic hit. Hoping that things get better soon feels a bit old now but then again, what else do we have?

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⭐ Featured

...Word of the Week — Binisaya: hilom, which means silence or quietness/to be silent or quiet. In a sentence: “Ganahan ko nga hilom ang tanan kay makahuna-huna ko. (I like it when everything’s quiet so I can think).”

...Word of the Week — Ilocano: ulimek, which means silence or quietness/to be silent or quiet. In a sentence: “Apay naulimek ka? (Why are you being quiet?)”

...Signs of the Week: BTS, one of the main reasons I’ve kept sane this year, just wrapped up their four-day concert series in Los Angeles. Access to sign language interpreters is a legal requirement for many artists that perform in specific locations like the United States, and from what I’ve gained through my thorough research (lol jk, I just read about this on twt), the access was provided, albeit peppered with issues.

In line, here’s an FSL cover of “Permission to Dance,” compiled by a Filipino Deaf vlogger (not sponsored; not connected).

...Books of the Week: See here, and check out this new book by Arli Pagaduan titled The Things We’re Afraid to Say as well!

...Projects: I am releasing the last issue of the OK to BE zine for the year, and as I mentioned here, it’s going to be just all about me, haha. I will be talking about my own creative processes, and will be including some of my WIPs. If you have any questions for me, please leave them in the comments section below, or reply to this email. You’ll receive a complimentary digital copy of the zine in exchange.

One other thing: I will also be launching the heykebe stationery I’ve been talking about here, plus a set of reading prompt cards. All this is in collaboration with Xiao Mei by Milish, who is also a Filipino creator and a fellow team member at Bookbed.

Photos by Xiao Mei by Milish

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Aaand that’s it for now! I hope you picked up something fun or useful! See you in the next one. ☀️

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